The Importance of Treating Ourselves Kindly
Hey there!
Has anyone ever felt better after being told to calm down? Yeah, me neither.
Let's be real—when someone tells us to “calm down”, it never helps. It feels dismissive and invalidating, right? And on top of that, it generally makes us feel even worse.
But here’s something we may not realize...
Whenever we experience difficult emotions, we often respond by telling ourselves to calm down, even if we don’t use those exact words. We are all programmed to push away or avoid our difficult emotions. It is totally normal. But just like being told by someone else to “calm down,” trying to control or change our own emotions doesn’t always work.
So, what if we tried something different?
Consider this: How do you feel when a friend says to you, “Wow, that’s really hard” or “I get it, you’re really worried about that”? It’s probably much more helpful than “calm down” right?
When someone responds to us in this way, it may not take away all of our pain, but it certainly helps us feel more supported and validated. And that can make a big difference.
So, the next time you are struggling, try responding to yourself like you would a good friend.
Acknowledge Your Feelings: Recognize your emotions without trying to push them away. Say to yourself, “This is really tough” or “I’m feeling really anxious right now.”
Practice Self-Kindness: Be kind to yourself instead of being hard on yourself. Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel this way and that everyone experiences difficult emotions.
Self-compassion can be much more effective than self-criticism. By treating ourselves with the same kindness we’d offer a friend, we can create a more supportive and validating internal environment. It won’t take away all our pain, but it can make a big difference.
All the best,
Jayne