Unhooking from our Thoughts - A Comprehensive Guide
(adapted from Dr. Russ Harris)
Our minds have a natural tendency to focus on the negative. It's common to worry, criticize ourselves, or anticipate the worst. But, when we get caught up in these thoughts, they can feel like too much to handle. In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), we call this fusion. Fusion is when we become so wrapped up in our thoughts that they seem like absolute truths, dictating our actions, emotions, and decisions. It's like our thoughts have taken the driver's seat, steering us wherever they want.
What can we do when we are fused with our thoughts?
We are often told to just change our thinking - but it’s not always that easy. Sometimes, the more we try to push our thoughts away, the louder they can get. It's like telling ourselves not to think about a pink elephant – suddenly, that's all we can think about!
But there is another approach - defusion.
Defusion allows us to take a step back and respond to our thoughts much more effectively. Defusion is about allowing our thoughts to exist, without letting them take over. It is not about changing our thoughts or trying to avoid them. It’s about dropping the struggle with them.
Examples of Defusion
Acknowledge and Label, Non-Judgementally: Notice your thoughts without judgment by saying to yourself, “I notice my mind is telling me ___” or “I notice I am having the thought that ___.” This can help create distance between you and your thoughts, making it easier to observe them without getting caught up.
Play around with Your Thought: Put your thought to a musical tune, such as "Happy Birthday" or say it in a funny voice. This may allow you to take your thoughts less seriously and reduce their impact over you.
Name the Story: Identify the recurring story your mind tells you and give it a label. For example, "That's the 'I am a failure' story again," or “There goes the ‘I’m not good enough’ story.”
Is That Helpful?: Ask yourself, “Is buying into this thought helpful?” If the answer is no, acknowledge the thought and allow it to be there without letting it dictate your actions.
Passengers on the Bus: Imagine you are driving a bus, and your thoughts are like difficult passengers in the back. They may be loud and annoying, but you still have control of the bus and can keep driving in the direction you choose.
The Mountain: Visualize yourself as a mountain, firm and grounded, while your thoughts are like weather passing by. The weather can change and be turbulent, but the mountain remains steady.
Mental Appreciation: Thank your mind when you notice it butting in with worries and opinions. Remind yourself that negative thoughts are normal and are just your mind's way of trying to protect you.
Replace 'But' with 'And': Instead of saying, "I'd like to, but...," try saying, "I'd like to go to the party and I am anxious."
Troubleshooting Defusion
"It didn’t work. I still think or feel ____": Acceptance, not control, is the goal. Acceptance takes away the power of negative thoughts - it doesn’t get rid of them completely.
"But it is true!": Focus on whether the thought is helpful rather than whether it's true.
"Negative thoughts or labels motivate me": This may be true at times - but think about the cost. Might there be a better way?
"I tried it once, but then forgot": This is common. Try reflecting on opportunities to use defusion in your day-to-day.
"It didn't work": No technique is foolproof; keep trying different techniques.
"I tried it, and no dramatic changes happened": Lower your expectations and observe the effects of defusion.
"This is just ridiculous. I don't see the point": Focus on whether defusion is helpful, not whether it seems ridiculous.
If you're having trouble with defusion, you're not alone. It's not always easy, but with practice, it can become a valuable tool. Remember, the goal isn't to get rid of your thoughts completely (they are natural and normal!), but to change how you respond to them. With defusion, your thoughts have less impact and influence over your life.
All the best,
Jayne