The Principles of Self - Compassion

(Adapted from Russ Harris)

Here’s the thing - we are all our own worst critic. I have yet to meet someone (either personally or professionally) who finds it easier to care for themselves than they do for others. And yet - our lives could be improved in so many ways if we could start treating ourselves more kindly. Which is where self-compassion comes in!

Self-compassion means treating yourself with the same kindness and care that you would offer to others. It's a helpful practice for many issues, but it can feel challenging. Let's break it down into six steps:

1. Acknowledge the Pain

Notice and acknowledge your pain. This pain could be an emotion, a thought, a physical sensation, or a memory. For example, say to yourself, “I am noticing feelings of rejection” or “I am noticing ‘what if’ thoughts.” Be open and curious about what you're feeling.

2. Unhook from Self-Judgment

Our minds often judge us harshly, which can make the pain worse. When you notice these judgments, acknowledge them and try to let them go. You can say, “I am having a thought that…” or “That’s the ‘not good enough’ story.” This can help take the power away from negative thoughts.

3. Act with Kindness

Treat yourself with kindness. This could be through kind words like “Everyone makes mistakes” or “It’s okay.” You might also find comfort in self-touch, like holding your own hand or giving yourself a gentle hug. Acts of self-care, like taking a warm bath or going for a walk, can also be helpful.

4. Practice Acceptance

Embrace your thoughts, feelings, and memories without trying to push them away or get consumed by them. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to like these thoughts and feelings, but it means allowing them to be there without resistance. One way to practice acceptance is to label our emotions, without judgement.

5. Validate Your Feelings

We all naturally dismiss or invalidate our own pain with thoughts like “It’s not that bad” or “I shouldn’t feel this way.” Instead, try to acknowledge and validate your feelings. Say to yourself, “I can see you are in pain right now,” “This hurts,” or “It’s okay not to be okay.”

6. Get Connected

Remember that you are not alone in your pain. Many people experience similar feelings. When you notice thoughts like “I am the only one,” remind yourself that others feel this way too. Reach out to friends or family, or spend time with people who care about you.

Self compassion is a powerful practice, but it is not easy. Choose just one of these steps to focus on this week. Notice how it feels to treat yourself with kindness and care. Remember, small, consistent actions lead to lasting change.

Take care,
Jayne