Managing Intrusive Thoughts: How to Cope & Take Back Control
What Are Intrusive Thoughts?
Intrusive thoughts are unwanted, often distressing thoughts that come into our minds without warning. They might be about things we fear or things that make us uncomfortable. It’s important to know that these thoughts don’t define us and don’t need to control us.
Examples of intrusive thoughts might include:
"What if my baby dies in their sleep?"
"What if I get in a car crash?"
"What if I hurt someone I love?"
"What if I can’t control myself and do something terrible?"
The Protective Purpose of Intrusive Thoughts
Our minds are constantly trying to protect us. Intrusive thoughts often arise as a way for our minds to warn us or prepare us for potential danger. They’re like alarms that go off, but instead of signaling something helpful, they often become a source of stress and anxiety.
It’s important to recognize that these thoughts, while unpleasant, are a way for your mind to try and protect you. But, like a fire alarm that goes off when there’s no fire, they aren’t always helpful or accurate.
The "Beach Ball" Metaphor: Why Pushing Thoughts Down Doesn't Work
Imagine you’re trying to push a beach ball underwater. The more you try to push it down, the harder it becomes to keep it there, and eventually, the ball will pop up and hit you in the face.
The same thing happens when we try to push intrusive thoughts away. The more we try to avoid or suppress them, the stronger and more persistent they become. In the long run, pushing them down only leads to more distress. Instead, we need to let the thoughts come up and face them, allowing them to lose their power over time.
How Intrusive Thoughts Affect Us
When we get hooked by intrusive thoughts, they can feel like undeniable truths. Our emotions and actions are often influenced by these thoughts, which can lead us to avoid certain situations or constantly try to push the thoughts away.
For example, if you’re stuck on the thought "What if I get in a car crash?", you might:
Avoid driving or only drive on specific roads or with specific people.
Keep checking the road and other drivers constantly.
Drive slowly.
The more we avoid situations tied to these thoughts, the more power the thoughts have. Avoidance increases anxiety, making it harder to cope with the thoughts in the future.
How Do We Respond More Effectively?
Instead of fighting the thoughts, we can unhook from them and respond in healthier ways. Here’s are some ideas:
1.Notice and Name the Belief: Recognize and label the thought that showed up. You can say, "This is an intrusive thought about harm” or "Here’s this anxiety showing up again" By naming it, you can begin to create distance between you and the thought.
2. Acknowledge Its Purpose: Reflect on where this thought came from. Often, intrusive thoughts come out of the mind’s desire to protect you or others. Ask yourself, "What is this thought trying to protect me from? What was it trying to help me do?" Understanding the purpose behind the thought can help you appreciate its intention, even if it's no longer serving you. You can try saying to yourself “Thanks mind, I know you’re trying to help - but I’ve got this!”.
3. Ask Yourself: Is This Belief Helpful?: Ask yourself whether this thought is still helping you live the life you want. Sometimes, thoughts that once protected us can start to hold us back. If the thought is no longer helpful, it might be time to loosen your grip on it.
4. Unhook from the Thought. Play around with different strategies that can help you to unhook from the thought. Here are some examples:
Drop an Anchor: Create space for your thoughts without letting them sweep you away by following these steps:
Acknowledge your thoughts and feelings non-judgmentally.
Connect with your body (e.g., move, stretch, drink water, deep breathe).
Engage in the present moment by tuning into your 5 senses.
Name the Story: Identify the recurring story your mind tells you and give it a label. For example, "That's the 'I am a failure' story again," or “There goes the ‘I’m not good enough’ story.”
Play around with Your Thought: Put your thought to a musical tune, such as "Happy Birthday" or say it in a funny voice. This may allow you to take your thoughts less seriously and reduce their impact over you (**Note: some people find this strategy really helpful and others don’t - do what works for you!).
Passengers on the Bus: Imagine you are driving a bus, and your thoughts are like difficult passengers in the back. They may be loud and intimidating, but you still have control of the bus and can keep driving in the direction you choose.
5. Get Curious: Notice how this thought shows up in your life. Get curious about it. And remember: curiosity works best when it’s paired with kindness. It’s okay to have difficult thoughts. Instead of trying to fight them, see if you can meet them with curiosity and self-compassion. Here are some questions that may help you to step back and see your thoughts in a new way:
Is there a different way I could look at this, that could help me handle the situation better?
Does this thought help me live the kind of life I want, or does it pull me away from it?
What would I say to a friend or family member in the same situation?
Is my mind trying to interpret this situation without all the evidence?
If I buy into this thought, what is the effect?
Am I thinking in all-or-nothing terms?
What does this thought say about what I care about?
Have I had this thought before? Did it turn out to be true? Was it helpful?
6. Face your Fears: Avoidance only makes anxiety grow stronger. When we avoid situations or thoughts that scare us, we tell our brain that the fear is real and should be avoided. This makes the fear worse over time. Exposure means doing things that scare you, but in small, manageable steps. For example, if you're afraid of getting in a car accident - you may start by driving a short distance by yourself, driving the speed limit, or driving a new road that you’ve been avoiding! The more we expose ourselves to fear, the more fear loses its power and hold on us.
**Remember, intrusive thoughts do not define you. You can choose how you respond to them!