Communication Styles Quiz

(Adapted from DBT Made Simple)

Effective communication is essential for building healthy relationships, setting boundaries, and navigating life's challenges. This quiz will help you identify your communication style and reflect on how it impacts your interactions with others.

There are no right or wrong answers—this is an opportunity to learn more about yourself and discover areas for growth.

Instructions:
For each statement, rate how often it applies to you:

• 3 points – Often

• 2 points – Sometimes

• 1 point – Rarely

At the end, total your points for each communication style to see which one you use most often.

1. Passive Communication Style (Avoiding conflict, not expressing needs, struggling to set boundaries)

In each of the following categories, give yourself a score between 1-3:

• I tend to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself, even when something is bothering me -> _________

• I have difficulty saying "no" when I need to -> _________

• I often let others make decisions for me, even when I have different preferences -> _________

• I feel uncomfortable expressing my needs or opinions -> _________

• I tend to bottle up my emotions rather than express them -> _________

• I avoid confrontation, even when I need to stand up for myself -> _________

Total for Passive Style: ____

2. Aggressive Communication Style (Expressing frustration or anger in a way that may harm relationships or others)

In each of the following categories, give yourself a score between 1-3:

• I often raise my voice or use strong language when upset -> _________

• I tend to talk over others or interrupt when I’m frustrated -> _________

• I prioritize being "right" over understanding other people’s perspectives -> _________

• I use sarcasm, insults, or criticism to express frustration -> _________

• I expect others to know what I need without me saying it -> _________

• I may feel powerful in the moment but later regret my words or actions -> _________

Total for Aggressive Style: ____

3. Passive-Aggressive Communication Style (Indirectly expressing frustration, avoiding direct conversations or confrontation)

In each of the following categories, give yourself a score between 1-3:

• I say "I'm fine" even when I’m upset or frustrated -> _________

• I make sarcastic comments or drop hints instead of expressing myself directly -> _________

• I become distant or withhold communication when I’m upset -> _________

• I expect others to figure out what's wrong without me saying anything -> _________

• I agree to do things I don't want to do, but later feel resentful -> _________

• I keep my emotions inside, but they tend to come out in subtle ways -> _________

Total for Passive-Aggressive Style: ____

4. Assertive Communication Style (Clear, direct, and respectful expression of needs, feelings, and boundaries)

In each of the following categories, give yourself a score between 1-3:

• I express my needs and opinions in a way that is honest and respectful -> _________

• I can say "no" without feeling guilty or over-explaining -> _________

• I make an effort to listen to others and understand their perspectives, even when I disagree -> _________

• I use “I” statements to express my feelings (e.g., "I feel frustrated when...") -> _________

• I can manage conflict in a calm and productive way -> _________

• I try to find solutions that consider both my needs and others' needs -> _________

Total for Assertive Style: ____

Interpreting Your Scores

The highest score indicates the communication style you use most often. If you score similarly across multiple styles, it could suggest that your communication varies depending on the situation or the person you’re interacting with. 

What Your Scores Might Mean

• Highest in Passive: You may have difficulty expressing your needs or setting boundaries, which can lead to frustration or feeling unheard.

• Highest in Aggressive: You may communicate in ways that push others away or escalate conflict. It can be helpful to explore different ways to express frustration without damaging relationships.

• Highest in Passive-Aggressive: You may struggle to confront issues directly and instead express frustration in indirect ways, which can lead to misunderstandings.

• Highest in Assertive: You communicate in ways that respect both your needs and the needs of others. You may feel more confident in managing conflict and standing up for yourself.

Reflection Questions

• Which communication style do you use most often?

• How does this style impact your relationships with others?

• Are there specific situations where you communicate differently (e.g., with close friends vs. work colleagues)? 

• What is one small step you could take to communicate in a way that aligns more with your values and needs?

Final Thought

Effective communication is a skill that can be learned and strengthened over time. It is not about being perfect—it's about expressing yourself clearly and respectfully while considering both your needs and those of others. If you find yourself leaning toward a particular style, remember that with practice, you can improve and adjust your approach to communication.